Waiting for trains at Southampton Central
Is totally boring, it's driving me mental.
Day after day as we stand to attention
Accepting delays without comprehension.

There's a cow on the line, the driver's in bed,
The track is all bent, the guards are on strike,
There are slippery leaves, the doors will not close,
There's a flood in the tunnel, the train has got stuck.

We get what we pay for, or so I've been told.
It's our fault we wait on a platform that's cold.
The under-investment has weakened the track
And the strength of the union is holding it back.

The power has gone, the points are all frozen,
The engine has failed, the wheels have worn out.
They've restricted our speed, there's a levy on oil.
We can't find the trolley, the toilet is blocked.

Charts of performance slide down at the end.
The trains now move slowly around every bend.
They cannot go faster because of the track.
As soon as we get there, it's time to come back.

The driver's asleep, someone's stolen the track.
The train is too dirty, the guard's lost the map.
The coupling broke, the wheels won't go round.
There's leaves on the line, the wrong kind of rain.

So many excuses, but not many trains.
I wish for a service, that runs when it rains!