Just give us all your money, we'll keep it safe and sound.
Our fine investment plans, are the place to put your pound.
But keep your cash with us, for the long to medium term,
There are facts about investments, it's best you didn't learn.

Stocks and shares can go up, but for now they just go down.
I think you'll find our rates, are the highest ones in town.
There are several regulations, say I cannot tell you lies.
So I'll tell the honest truth, that our funds can only rise.

PEPs, bonds and ISAs, are not as complex as they sound.
Give me twenty minutes, and I'll turn your thoughts around.
If you balance risk and income, you can maximise your sum.
There's no need for the lottery, as it's you that will have won.

Don't be put off by rumours, that we make profit out of you.
We're just here to share our tips, we invest our money too.
If you follow what we tell you, we can make the market rise.
Make a profit on the up, and catch the others by surprise.

None of this is underhand, or exceptionally immoral.
May not be what bishops say, but they just want a quarrel.
You've worked hard for your money, don't let it fade away.
Invest with me a bundle, and start earning from today.

So give us all your money, we'll make it work for you.
The account we'll put you in, is totally brand new.
We've an excellent track record, top performers many years.
So give us all your money, kiss goodbye, to all your fears.